The Journey Home
by kat620
Summary: After the regionals award ceremony, Rachel and Finn talk about his unexpected "I love you". Oneshot right now, but I might have to give in to temptation and make it a full-fledged story.


After the Regionals results were announced, the members of New Directions shuffled to their bus in silence. Rachel held herself together long enough to push her way to the back seat of the bus, where she curled up and finally let herself break down. Just after the bus started moving, she felt someone sit in the seat next to her.

"You were amazing tonight, Rachel. The best I've ever seen you perform. We would have had it in the bag if it weren't for Coach Sylvester."

Rachel peeked out from behind her folded arms.

"That's sweet, Finn. But if you don't mind, I really don't feel up to talking right now."

"Okay. I'll just be over there if you decide you want to talk." Finn said, motioning toward the empty seat across the aisle from them. After a silent nod from Rachel, he left her to reflect on the day's events.

The day had been filled with so many highs and lows that Rachel wasn't sure which way was up anymore. First, the excitement of getting ready for their performance. Then, a brief moment of terror when she saw Aural Intensity's set list, but, always a professional, she recovered from that quickly. Then came the adrenaline rush that can only be the result of a great performance and the flurry of activity when Quinn announced that her water had broken.

After that, her emotions had been quieter and all the more powerful. She had stayed behind when everyone else escorted Quinn to the hospital, under the pretense that somebody should be there when the results were announced, but that was the least of her reasons. Part of her wanted to see Vocal Adrenaline, okay, Jesse, perform. That performance completely changed the meaning of 'Bohemian Rhapsody' for her. The technically great, but emotionally lacking performance left Rachel with a steely determination to get over Jesse once and for all, if only to avoid becoming a soulless automaton incapable of feeling. Her main reason for staying behind, though, was that she just couldn't bear the idea of watching another little girl be given away by her mother. She can understand Quinn's reasons for giving baby Beth up for adoption. In a different life, one where she knew her mother, she might have decided to do the same thing.

The loneliness that consumed most of Rachel's afternoon was briefly interrupted by a subdued happiness when she got word that Beth had been born without complication. That loneliness quickly returned when she sought out her own mother and was, once again, rejected. It is still unfathomable to her that Shelby Corcoran go to such lengths with Jesse in order to meet her, only to decide that it was a mistake and they should not get to know each other. She can only hope that one day, they will get to know each other as friends, as being a mother and daughter is not an option for them anymore.

And finally, there was the crushing revelation that Vocal Adrenaline had come out on top once again. It shouldn't surprise her, but it does. She honestly believed that New Directions had something that Vocal Adrenaline didn't: soul, heart, love for what they do, and for each other.

With that thought, Rachel finally looked up and surveyed the bus filled with her friends. Her only friends, if she was really honest with herself. Even if she had other friend-type people at school, they wouldn't be able to understand her and her love for performing the way these eleven, twelve if you count Mr. Shue, do. They may not always like her, but they understand her on a certain level. Now she watches them, her only friends.

Puck and Quinn, of course, are still at the hospital, spending as much time with their daughter as they can before some overjoyed couple comes to claim her as their own. Sitting up front are Santana, Mike, Matt, and Brittany, talking quietly amongst each other. Of everyone in the glee club, it surprises Rachel the most how upset they are. While she knows that they enjoy glee club, it has never _defined_ them the way it does the original members of New Directions. Behind them are Artie and Tina, heads down, maybe talking, maybe not. They don't really have much to say. They have each other, and that is all that matters at the moment. Sitting two seats in front of Rachel are Kurt and Mercedes. They both appear to be wrapped in their own thoughts. Finally, her gaze landed on Finn, who was staring blankly at Mercedes' head in front of him.

Finn, more than anybody else in the club, had changed her life this year. Glee club had been a complete and utter failure before he inexplicably joined, bringing with him the other six people necessary to continue as an official, school-sanctioned club. But he was more than just another member of the club. Every time she wanted to give up on glee club, he was the one that was always there to remind her of all the reasons that she shouldn't. Her love for music, the sense of accomplishment when he finally lands the dance steps she's been trying to teach him all week, the rush she gets every time she performs, a place to finally belong, and people who actually want her there. Well, Finn did, at least. He was the first person other than her dads that really made her feel wanted. In fact, he was a lot of her firsts. The first boy who could even begin to keep up with her on stage. The first person who actually wanted to be her friend. Her first boyfriend, however short their 'official' romantic relationship lasted. Her first heartbreak. The motivation for her first rebound, because if it weren't for him, she probably never found have found her way into Jesse's arms. Well, that's not completely true. Jesse was a part of Shelby Corcoran's master plan, after all. But she probably would not have fallen so hard for him if it weren't for Finn. The first boy to ever love her.

"_He told me he loves me?"_ Rachel wondered. Somehow, the events of the day had pushed all memory of his words to her before their performance out of her mind. Suddenly, her worries about the future of New Directions flew from her mind and were immediately replaced by questions about why Finn said what he did.

"_Why would he do that? Did he doubt my ability to convincingly sing a love song to him and say it in the hopes that it would help my performance? Or, does he secretly hate me and only say it in an attempt to sabotage me and end glee club once and for all?_

'_No, that's crazy. Finn isn't Jesse. He doesn't lie or manipulate people. And he loves glee club. He wouldn't want to end it. If he told me he loves me, it has to be because he really does love me._

'_How can he love me? He said himself that if Jesse turned out to be a traitor, he would never forgive me. Well, Jesse did betray us, so that has to mean that he blames me for this whole thing and that we can never be friends again, doesn't it?_

'_No, Finn would never try to hurt me like that, right?"_ Rachel knew that she had to talk to him about what he said to her before their performance.

"Finn?" She said quietly, hoping that he wouldn't hear as much as she hoped he would.

"Yeah, Rach?" Finn answered, looking up, then moving over to Rachel's seat and wrapping his arm around her shoulders when he saw how upset Rachel looked.

"Can we talk?"

"Of course. What do you need to talk about?" Finn asked, wanting to make her feel better.

"No, I don't want to do it here. Can we go somewhere and talk when we get back to school?" Rachel asked, suddenly aware of the overwhelming silence in the bus and the fact that Kurt and Mercedes were sitting well within earshot.

"Sure, anything you want. I just have to drop Kurt off at his, er- our- house first. "

"Thank you." Rachel said as she leaned into him.

"I haven't done anything yet." Finn noted before pulling her closer and absently stroking her arm..

"_Well this is a good sign._" Rachel thought, but it wasn't enough to slow her racing mind for the rest of the trip.

Twenty minutes later, the bus pulled into the parking lot at McKinley High and its passengers begrudgingly moved to get off of it. Before anyone did, Mr. Shuester stopped them.

"Hold on guys. I have a few things I want to say to you before you leave. First, I have to say that I have never been more proud of anybody than I am of you today. That was your best performance by far. Second, I know that you are all upset about the results, but that doesn't have to mean that this is over. I'm going to talk to Principal Figgins and show him the DVD of your show. Maybe I can convince him to let us have another year. But even if he doesn't give us that, this does not mean that this thing you all have going on here is over. Glee club may be the thing that brought you all together, but it doesn't have to be the thing that keeps you together. You all are proof that people from any social group can be friends with each other. I am so grateful that I got to watch you all grow into the friends you are today. Take the rest of the night to be disappointed with the judge's results, because that is the only thing about today to be disappointed about, but I want you to enjoy the rest of your weekends and I'll see you all at our usual time on Monday so we can talk about where we go from here. Again, I'm proud of every single one of you." Will said before collecting his things and exiting the bus.

"Ready to go, Rach?" Finn asked as he stood up as straight as he could without hitting his head.

"Yeah, I'll be out in a minute." Rachel answered, fumbling under her seat looking for her bag.

"'Kay. I'll just go find Kurt so we can get out of here." Finn said before exiting the bus.

"Nice speech, Mr. Shue." He said on his way out.

"Thanks, Finn. I meant every word of it. I don't want any of you thinking that what you did today wasn't your very best."

"I won't. I'm just worried about Rachel. She barely said anything on the ride back, which is weird."

"She'll be fine. She's a strong girl and I'm sure you'll take good care of her."

"Well thanks again." Finn said, turning to go catch up with Kurt.

"Goodnight, Finn."

"Night."

"Goodnight Mr. Shuester." Rachel said as she passed him.

"Goodnight, Rachel. You did a great job today. A fair judging panel would have given you the credit you deserve."

"Thanks for everything." Rachel said, giving Will a quick hug before following Finn toward his mother's car.

"You're welcome." He said as she walked away.

When Rachel got to the car, Finn was sitting alone in the driver's seat.

"Where's Kurt?" she asked.

"He's going to Artie's house with everybody else. We're invited, too."

"Oh. Maybe later. I really just want to be with you right now."

"Yeah, you mentioned that earlier. So what was it that you wanted to talk to me about?"

After a few moments of silence on Rachel's part, Finn asked again. "Is it about glee club? You heard what Mr. Shue said, it doesn't have to be over."

"No, it's not about glee." Rachel shook her head, then looked down at her hands, which she was wringing in her lap.

"Was it Jesse? Did he do something to you while we were all at the hospital?"

"No, he didn't do anything to me. Not intentionally, at least. But he did make me realize that I never want to be as heartless as he is."

"You're anything but heartless, Rachel. You would never try to hurt anybody the way he hurt you." Finn said, reaching for her hand.

"But I did. I did something just as vile as he did."

"What did you do? I can't believe you would do anything like that."

"I lied to you."

"About what?"

"When I told you I slept with him. I lied because I wanted to hurt you for what I thought you did with Santana. But then I found out that you didn't, it was too late to take back what I said."

"Oh. Well I understand why you said that. And I'm glad to hear that you didn't sleep with that scumbag. So no harm done." Finn assured her, masking his guilt while making a silent promise to come clean about Santana as soon as he thought she was ready to hear it.

"But I still did it. I'm well on my way to becoming like him."

"No you're not. You told me one lie because you were hurting. That isn't the same as pretending to be interested in someone for the wrong reasons. Is that all you wanted to talk to me about? That you're afraid of being heartless? Because the Rachel Berry I know is anything but heartless."

"No, that's not all."

"Then what is it? Do you still want to talk about it? You don't have to if you want to, but I'm here if you need me."

"You said you loved me." Rachel blurted out after an extended silence.

"I did. Is that what you've been freaking out about?" Finn asked, confused.

"Well… yes." She said softly.

"That's a surprise. I would have thought you would be more worried about glee club or Jesse or even Miss Corcoran than that. I honestly thought you'd forgotten that I even said it."

"I did, for a while. I didn't remember until we were halfway back."

"And that's when you asked to talk to me."

"Yes."

"So why are you so upset about it? I get that it was a surprise, but it wasn't completely unexpected, was it? I mean, we've been getting closer ever since the Jesse thing, and you did kiss me on Tuesday."

"I know. It just… confused me."

"How did it confuse you?"

"I just don't understand why you said it. I mean, Jesse's the only other person to say that to me and he was just using me. So did you say it to make our performance more believable? Or did you say it to distract me and sabotage the glee club? Or to hurt me for being with Jesse in the first place?"

"So you came up with three different reasons for me telling you that I love you, and none of them were that I said it because I actually do love you?" Finn asked incredulously.

"I did consider that option, but it just didn't seem as believable at the time." Rachel said, but then saw the hurt in Finn's face when he realized what she was saying. "But I'm not saying I didn't believe you, the idea that you could love me was just so hard to believe that I thought there must be another reason." She clarified.

"Is it really that hard to believe?"

"After Jesse, yes, it is. And I also remember you saying that if he betrayed us, which he did, you would never be my friend again."

"I was just being a jealous prick when I said that."

"But you said it."

"I didn't really mean it."

"Are you sure you didn't?"

"Well, maybe I did. But when I saw how hurt you were, it didn't matter anymore. I just wanted to make you feel better, even if it meant slashing all of Vocal Adrenaline's tires.."

"I still can't believe you did that. Do you realize how long it's going to take for you two to pay them back for that?"

"We don't have to pay them back anymore. Nobody told you?"

"No."

"Oh. When Mr. Shue found out about them egging you, he got Principal Figgins to threaten an assault lawsuit and Miss Corcoran agreed to not make us pay for the tires if you didn't press charges."

"Oh. Why didn't I think of that?" Rachel laughed.

"I don't know." Finn laughed too, suddenly aware of how long it had been since they had something to laugh about.

"So… you love me?" Rachel asked when their laughter died down.

"Yes." Finn confirmed.

"But what about Jesse? And Quinn? I know it's been a few months since you two broke up, but she just had the child that you spent five months believing was yours. That can't be easy to deal with."

"Jesse and Quinn don't matter anymore. I never cared about Quinn the way I care about you. I might have thought I did at the time, but now I know I didn't. And I'm guessing you can say the same about Jesse."

"I can. But what he did to me still hurts."

"I know it does. But you can't let people who hurt you determine what you do with your life, Rachel. That's what Mr. Shue told me the day of Sectionals, and he was right. I don't know where I would be right now if I hadn't shown up that day, but I know that I would not be as happy as I am right now with you."

"Even though we lost at Regionals?"

"Even though we lost at Regionals." Finn assured her.

"But we failed."

"Did you feel like we failed when the curtains came down after Don't Stop?"

"No. That felt pretty fantastic." Rachel admitted.

"So did I."

"But Principal Figgins is going to break up the glee club. It's all over now. How can you be happy about that?"

"I never said I was. I just said that even though we lost tonight, I'm happy because I got to experience all of this with you."

"Oh." Rachel said lamely, then sat quietly to contemplate everything Finn had just told her. After a few minutes, Finn broke the silence.

"So do you believe me yet? Because I'd really like to kiss you now."

"Say it one more time."

"I love you." Finn said as he bridged the gap between them.

"I guess I believe you. I suppose it's safe to say we're officially a couple now." Rachel said after she pulled away, in great need of oxygen.

"Damn straight." Finn confirmed. "But it better not take this much work every time I want to kiss you. So far, I've had to do marathon vocal run thingies, teach you how to bowl, give you a speech about how good our glee club is, and convince you that I love-" Rachel cut him off with another kiss.

"Don't worry, you can kiss me whenever you want." she assured him.

"Good. Now do you want to go meet the rest of the guys at Artie's?"

"Maybe later." Rachel said, closing in on him again.


End file.
